What is Radical Embrace? Radical Embrace is a practice of expression and self-care. The practice is inspired by the loss of Rachel’s best friend, Grace Rualo Asuncion, in 1992. Radical Embrace finds the blessings in and the power of grief, growth, and the honoring of life and living. It is founded on 5 pillars of GRACE influenced by music and creativity which emit positive, feel-good neurotransmitters from our brain’s pleasure center.
G is a note on the musical scale, like you, who is a part of the symphony of life.
Rhythm | Rest: Do what moves you; move at your own rhythm; make time to rest, pause and breathe.
Arrive | Adagio: Feel the music and be present (arrive). You may need to go slow (adagio) to continue to move through.
Care | Community: Take care of yourself so you can, in turn, take care of your community (your tribe, your family, your pets, etc.).
Enjoy the journey.
Rhythm | Rest: Do what moves you; move at your own rhythm; make time to rest, pause and breathe.
Arrive | Adagio: Feel the music and be present (arrive). You may need to go slow (adagio) to continue to move through.
Care | Community: Take care of yourself so you can, in turn, take care of your community (your tribe, your family, your pets, etc.).
Enjoy the journey.
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When Rachel (Paras) asked me to participate in this event, I was touched and honored. It felt good to know that she saw something in either my writing or interaction with her that she believed fit with the vision she has for tonight. I was also excited to try sharing my form of self-expression in a different way. I was feeling confident and somewhat liberated after publishing my first 2 personal blog posts for the year and I was thinking this may be just what I need to push me into being even braver with my writing.
Then life happens and things change—as it usually does—and I found myself in a new nearly full-time temp job. I’m thankful this job came along to help us pay the bills, but it’s definitely not something I want to be doing long-term. Still, I want to do my best at everything I do so I put energy into making sure I’m doing just that, my best. What I’ve come to realize is that putting my best energy into doing something I don’t really want to do is even more exhausting than putting that same energy into something I enjoy. On top of that, I had other volunteer commitments I had to meet (along with family/home obligations, etc.) which took up even more energy. As a result, I had less time and motivation to work on writing something new that felt true to the theme of this event. Instead of being excited, I started feeling stressed. And that’s when the negative self-talk is at its loudest.
I worried that I’m not good enough to be part of something so special. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t able to better budget my time to fit this in. I worried that my piece will pale in comparison to what others are sharing. I felt ashamed that I call myself a writer and I can’t even get into a regular writing practice. I worried that I will disappoint and/or embarrass my family, friends, and myself. I felt ashamed that I am not living up to my potential.
Does this sound familiar? (I usually follow this pattern for every role I play—wife, mother, employee, etc.) This is my own personal shame spiral, but I’m willing to bet that most of you have had similar thoughts. Maybe not the (younger) kids—the kids probably think more highly of themselves than the rest of us, because they haven’t learned how to be as self-conscious as us adults. But I’d venture to say that this pattern of worry and shame sounds familiar to at least most of the women here. Am I Right? At least I hope I’m not alone here.
So this negative self-talk makes me question if I really have something valuable to say for this event. Am I really a good example of someone who’s radically embracing myself? I guess that’s up to interpretation.
Thinking about what Radical Embrace means to me, I came up with this definition: Wholehearted acceptance of myself and all the things I’m ashamed of or fear about myself
By this definition, I don’t feel like I’m there yet. If I wholeheartedly accepted everything about me, including my deepest, darkest fears, I don’t think I should be falling victim to the negative self-talk or the shame spiral. But this has been my pattern of thinking for as long as I can remember and I wonder if I’ll ever overcome it.
The thing I haven’t tried yet is saying any of this out loud … in front of other people. Now that for me is radical. Most of my life, I’ve operated under the belief that you only show your best self to others. Revealing your secret fears and shame reveals your weaknesses which in turn opens you up to getting hurt. Being vulnerable in front of others seemed like too much of a risk; like you would just be inviting more pain into your life.
That’s what I used to think. Then I was blessed with opportunities to witness others sharing their fears and talking honestly about shame. I was also blessed with experiences where I have been able to share my own limiting beliefs in spaces where I felt safe to do so—thanks to friends like Janet (Co) and Rachel (Paras). Through these opportunities, I’ve discovered the power in releasing those toxic thoughts out into the world (and the strength that comes from being authentic in your vulnerability). When I’ve been able to share fears and shame I’ve held deep for so long, I felt the weight that was holding me down wasn’t so heavy. And the more I did it, the lighter it felt.
That weight is not completely gone though. It seems I either need to keep practicing my sharing and releasing those toxic thoughts from my head until the weight is gone or accept that it’s just something I need to continue to do consistently. Just as my physical body continues to need exercise, my mind and spirit need a regular workout of self-care, gratitude, and positive thinking (and prayer).
And I guess that in itself is a radical embrace. I wholeheartedly accept that there are things about myself that I want to change and I am ok with continuing to work on that. I also wholeheartedly accept that I have the tools and the community around me to help and that I am blessed with gifts and talents that are suited for my journey—and maybe, just maybe, I can even help some others along the way. That is definitely something I can radically embrace.
(I closed my reading/presentation with this bible verse that I happened to read that morning.)
“Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life.”
- Proverbs 4:23
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